why am i here

why am i here. sometimes.. i get in these funks where i think to myself.. why am i here.. what is it to be an artist. to produce.. how do i come up with these ideas. is art so literal or can we be artist in all different kinds of lifestyles. i am so young. it is so overwhelming.  i am so excited for my adventure into a career path.. but sometimes it is so hard to be patient and know it takes time. it is something that develops over time and work. I have to leave all my other thoughts behind. Stop thinking about what i need to do.. and just pick one and explore it.

can u be creative and live as an artist and still have a conventional career.. in that i mean is it black and white.. artist vs. business like career.. no schedule or path vs. a stable routine or 9-5 like job. I would like to hope not, and when i find people who have found that balance between both it excites me. but how do i start to explore this kind of lifestyle.. where do i start? is it making art. and if so.. is painting the path i want to go? or is there something more to express myself through art with.

i am so stuck in my work right now, and cant seem to produce anything. i dont know if its because i am not stimulated enough here.. or that i cannot connect to the area with the language barrier or if i am not giving enough attention to my work or what but i am so frustrated at the moment. it makes me question art, and why i even do it.. which frustrates me even more because i would like to just have a solid idea on something i would like to concentrate on. i wish i could just be excited about this all the time. but i am not. sometimes like lately no ideas come, nothing gets me excited to be creative. so does it mean its not what i should be doing, should i be pursuing being creative in another field? but when i am not doing it i earn for it. how do u get past that creative rhut... i want to push through the creative block to excitement.