why am i here

why am i here. sometimes.. i get in these funks where i think to myself.. why am i here.. what is it to be an artist. to produce.. how do i come up with these ideas. is art so literal or can we be artist in all different kinds of lifestyles. i am so young. it is so overwhelming.  i am so excited for my adventure into a career path.. but sometimes it is so hard to be patient and know it takes time. it is something that develops over time and work. I have to leave all my other thoughts behind. Stop thinking about what i need to do.. and just pick one and explore it.

can u be creative and live as an artist and still have a conventional career.. in that i mean is it black and white.. artist vs. business like career.. no schedule or path vs. a stable routine or 9-5 like job. I would like to hope not, and when i find people who have found that balance between both it excites me. but how do i start to explore this kind of lifestyle.. where do i start? is it making art. and if so.. is painting the path i want to go? or is there something more to express myself through art with.

i am so stuck in my work right now, and cant seem to produce anything. i dont know if its because i am not stimulated enough here.. or that i cannot connect to the area with the language barrier or if i am not giving enough attention to my work or what but i am so frustrated at the moment. it makes me question art, and why i even do it.. which frustrates me even more because i would like to just have a solid idea on something i would like to concentrate on. i wish i could just be excited about this all the time. but i am not. sometimes like lately no ideas come, nothing gets me excited to be creative. so does it mean its not what i should be doing, should i be pursuing being creative in another field? but when i am not doing it i earn for it. how do u get past that creative rhut... i want to push through the creative block to excitement.


i have been painting fish for some weird reason.. here are some sketches, and under paintings i have been working on
these are some old women paintings from pictures i took



did you know my birthday was on a newmoon this year! i dont really know what that means.. but it must mean something!

slow start

it is funny to be put in a new place, with a new language, and new people, and try to jump right back into work. I have been finding it semi challenging to even figure out where to start. I decided to just jump into it and paint everything at one time on one canvas. i think that the under painting is going well. but now i am stuck. i have decided to make a bunch of panels to paint on and to try spreading them out.. and going back at all different times. i think this will put less pressure on me. I have also decided i would like to do a different kind of project while im here. possible a site specific, or interactive piece.. sculpture???!? im not sure something to jult my other work forward.

in this painting it is 6 different images i have collected and taken.. its the underpainting



i was thinking today about why i feel so off and i realized, i havent been communicating with as many people as i do in america. I think i realized i have taken advantage of the simple idea of talking to people in the past, even the check out lady at the grocery store. it is hard not to even be able to ask how someones day is going. there is something about interaction with another person that give me energy. i have a lack of that here right now, because i do can not speak a lot of french. I would like that to change, and feel it needs to, to bring better spirits into my studio.

some pictures of where i am!

my studio
the school
the lounge
my walk home
my host house
my room
the walk to townthe town the port
i decided to take some photos of my environment to give everyone some images of where i am living right now!


career or lifestlye?

as i have been getting to know everyone and the town and my teachers. I think i have been thinking about being an artist in all the wrong ways when it come to graduating college. Everyone else around me think about what career path they will follow. I was thinking the same way.. and think of art as a career.. but i have come to realize since being here i think it is a way of life.. something i cannot get out of my system or leave behind. I am not just an artist in that i make work. but it is how i think about everything and anything. when i put it like that, that its a lifestyle. for some reason it seems a little more manageable.. like no matter what i do, i am still an artist. that is nice.


Oo La La

i love that this is also used regularly in sentences... Ooo La La hahah my host sister used it when she looked down ontop of a ledge and realized it was very far, she nonchalantly said Ooo La La.. it was great!

things i have learned since getting here

1. crepes are great savory or sweet
2. the weather is bipolar in pont aven (and it rains a lot)
3. va-la is is used as a word here.. i love it! when something is done people often say va-la.... amazing
4. there are a lot of beachs near pont aven.. and they have all been beautiful so far

first week already gone!

I have been here one week! YAY! and have already done so much. i have moved into my host families house. Which is awesome and have my own room and bathroom above the garage. I celebrated my 24 birthday. I was an amazing day. I was a little scared to be celebrating my birthday during such a large move, but it was wonderful.

 Two friends and I found a beach and hung out all day at it. Where i sat and thought. How amazing is this. and i never take time to just breath in america. We just sat, hung out, walked the beach a little. and enjoyed the beautiful day. It was amazing.

I got home and went on a run through the countryside of france. Where  I ran on a SMALL road, as i was running.. and no people where near or cars. I thought to myself this is amazing. There is just rolling country side and i was is OWE and at peace. Breathing the air in, sweating and enjoying myself by myself.

I then went home to celebrate with my host family. We "Yec'hed mat!" (cheers) with french champagne  and then ate savory crepes. After some friends and i found the only bar open in Pont Aven and sat and had some beer and got to know each other and laughed. It was wonderful.

I am still getting settled in the art school but it is wonderful. I have decided not to take any classes and just to concentrate on my self, and my work. I think that this is going to be a very special time for myself


About to leave!

I have two days before i leave for my four month trip to Pont Aven, and while sitting getting my hair done i found this horoscope. It is creepily exciting!! My birthday is the 8th!! i cant wait to make foreign connections, and i am so excited to stop putting painting on hold!!! I also just finished reading eat, pray, love, and am so excited to live in the present. I am trying not to concentrate on the future or the past. I am just concentrating on being in france and being creative, and it feels great! Between these two readings and also just being able to go someplace so super cool and take the time to explore myself as an artist i am SO excited and cannot wait to start my adventure!