i cannot believe i leave in 5 days.. it is so weird i have so many emotions running through me. excited for my future. scared that i might loose all the growth i have gained as an artist when i get home because of distractions of life. sad i am probably never going to be with all these people at the same time again, these people who have become a true positive community to me that embrace me at my most natural (very anxious/ weird/loud/ and semi neurotic) state and also understand and relate to me as an artist and my work. i am really sad that i will probably never be with my closest friends here, all together again.

i have had so much time on my hands here and have been so sad or upset about being here, being let down by some people and some of the situations i have been in here, but now i just cant think of anything else but being sad that i am leaving. leaving this amazing special community that is basically genuine relationships and art.

I will never have as much time to just think and learn and react and engage in myself as a person and artist in myself and my work.

I can be nothing but excited when thinking of my future... it is completely unknown and very exciting. But i hope i can take everything i have thought, and discovered here as an artist, and person and be able to use it in my next step of my journey. I also want to take away from this experience all the things i have learned about interacting with others and how i want to be as a human being, and interact with people, and be treated by and treat people. How i want to exist and be perceived.

i want to live my life to the fullest. understand as much about as many things, people and situations and try to see things in all different ways and angles. i want to open my eyes and learn, and then use what i learned and explore. I want to enjoy and laugh deep from my belly. I want to be respected by others and open minded to all different ways of doing things. Want to show when i have interest and be able to express when people are interested in me. I want to be able to not react with emotions but take situations and react with realistic sense. i also hope to be able to not stoop down when challenged by people to their level but to be able to get past it and move on and grow. i want to not be affected by as many little things.. and also just enjoy the ride more and be happy to just be in the moment. I hope to be open and positive in my next step in my journey whatever it might be.